A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name. “Well,” said the would be cattleman, “I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we’re calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y.” “But where are all your cattle?” the friends asked. “None survived the branding.”
What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?
An elephant can have fleas but a flea can’t have elephants!
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
So he could hide in the cherry tree!
How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
When your nose touches the ceiling!
What do you call an elephant …
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in anoraks!
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar!
What should you call a bald teddy?
Fred bear!
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A little bear!
Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ?
It …
What do you call a goat at sea?
Billy Ocean.
What do you call a spastic goat?
Billy the kid.
What do you call a goat that lip syncs? Billy-Vanilli
Q. What do you call a sheep without any legs?
A. A Cloud
Why did the lamb call the police?
he had been fleeced
What did one sheep say to the other sheep?
“after ewe”
The worst phrase to teach your parrot:”Here kitty, kitty, kitty”
A woman walks into a bar with a parrot on her shoulder. “I’ll go home with anyone who can guess this parrot’s weight”. A guy yells out (sarcastically), “500 pounds!”. She says with a smile, “Close enough!”
Pollytheism is the belief that God is a parrot.
The old lady was lonesome and went to the pet store for a pet bird thattalks. The salesclerk showed her a cute little green bird and assured her itcould talk and in 3 different languages to boot. So she gets a cage and takes it home thrilled to death. The first day went by with …
It’s time for this guy’s birds annual check-up at the vet’s office. So, off he goes to the vet with the bird. As he sits in the waiting room, the vet comes out with a cat in tow. He puts the cat down on the floor and the cat runs over to the carrier the …
Two Irishmen were on holiday in Dover and walked into a pet shop.The first Irishman, Patrick said to the shopkeeper ” Can I please have a dozen budgies – don’t put them in a cage just put them in a box and I’ll take them with me.” The shopkeeper obliged and gave him a box …
Man and his wife walk in a pet store and see a parrot in a cage. Man walks over and the parrot says, “hey buddie, your wife sure is ugly.”Man storms over to owner and says, “do you know what your parrot said to me,” and proceeds to tell the owner. Owner goes over to …