This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms …
Lawyers do it with appeal.
Lawyers do it confidentially.
Lawyers do it on a trial basis.
Lawyers do it until justice prevails.
Lawyers do it as long as you can pay them.
Lawyers do it unless it is prohibited by law.
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:
“Some parents,” she said, “tell the older child, ‘We love you …
Glenn: Knock,knock.
Lisa: Who’s there?
Glenn: Boo.
Lisa: Boo, who?
Glenn: Don’tcry, it’s only me!!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Dishes
Dishes who?
Dishes a very bad joke..!!!!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Weed
Weed who?
Weed better mow the lawn before it gets too long.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Alaska.
Alaska who?
Alaska one more time…let me in!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Tish
Tish who?
Bless you!!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Catch.
Catch who?
God bless you!
Who’s there?
Madam
Madam who?
Madam foot got stuck in the door
Knock, …
The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Do you want mustard with that?”
What Year are You?
When I first started college, the Dean came …
What’s wrong with Lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.
When asked, “What is a contingent fee?” a lawyer answered, “A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don’t win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it,you get nothing.”
A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of …
“How many can you afford?”
It only takes one to change your bulb…to his.
Two. One to change it and one to keep interrupting bystanding up and shouting “Objection!”
Three. One to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.
Three. One to turn the bulb, one to shake him off theladder, and the third to sue the …
you are charging someone for reading these jokes.
you believe that a forty words’ sentence is a short one.
you have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill.
you can look at a contract and instantly tell whether it’s verbal or written.
your other car is a BMW.
when you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer.
when …
He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
He tells you that he has never told a lie.
A big sign in his office says: “Don’t ask me.”
A prison guard is shaving your head.
The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge’s chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying:”I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client’s defence.”
The judge asked, “What new evidence could you have?”
The lawyer replied, “My client has an extra $10,000, and I …