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Humor by Yuckitup! Click Here for more jokes, and funny stuff Baseball JokesWhy is it so windy at Candlestick Park? (Home of the San Francisco Giants)Because of all the Giant Fans! A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up tohave a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the youngsouthpaw. "You always lose control at the same point in every game." "When is that?" "Right after the National Anthem." What is the difference between baseball and law?In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out. A baseball player is sitting on the bench along with the coach. Suddenly, thecoach starts saying, "Germany, Italy, Spain, Britain." The guy looks at him andsays, "Huh?" to which the coach replies... "Europe!" What do you get when you cross a tree with a baseball player?Babe Root. This story was related by a baseball announcer, who attributed it to HonusWagner.Way back when Honus played, they didn't have stadium lights and when it gotdark, you couldn't see what you were doing very well. One time, he was playingin the outfield and the ball was hit his way, but he just lost it in thedarkness. Fortunately, a rabbit was running by at the time and he grabbed itand threw it to first for the out.This was the very first time anyone was ever thrown out by a hare. Great baseball quotes, from the Long Beach (CA) Independent Press-Telegram,March 22, 1989It's a weird scene. You win a few baseball games and all of a sudden, you'resurrounded by reporters an TV men with cameras asking you about Vietnam andrace relations. - Vida Blue, 1971I watch a lot of baseball on the radio. - Gerald Ford, 1978It's a beautiful day for a night game. - Announcer Frankie FrischThe most important things in life are good friends and a strong bull pen. -Pitcher Bob Lemon, 1981 -Well, that kind of puts a damper on another Yankees win. - Announcer PhilRizzuto, after a news bulletin reporting the death of Pope Paul VI, 1978It was too bad I wasn't a second baseman; then I'd probably have seen a lot moreof my husband. - Karolyn Rose, ex-wife of Pete Rose, 1981They brought me up with the Brooklyn Dodgers, which at time was in Brooklyn -Casey Stengel, 1962I won't play for a penny less than $1500. - Honus Wagner, turning down an offerof $2000 Casey Stengel QuotesBeing with a woman never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.If you hit a home run, you can take your time running the bases.The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided. Yogi Berra Quotes
A small social club was trying to organize a baseball team. They could onlymuster eight players, but were hard put to find a ninth. In desperation, theycalled on a new member, an Englishman, to join their team. During their first game, the Englishman came to bat. On the first pitch, heknocked the ball out of the park. "Run!" his teammates cried. "For Pete's sake, run!" The Brit turned and stared at them icily. "I jolly well shan't run," hereplied. "Why should I? I'm perfectly willing to buy you chaps another ball." The rumor is that Pete Rose is thinking of moving to Seattle. Yes, he wants toget as far away from professional baseball as possible. (The Seattle team hashad seven consecutive losing seasons.) Our [softball] team usually puts the other woman at second base, where themaximum possible number of males can get there on short notice to help out incase of emergency. As far as I can tell, our second basewoman is a pretty goodbaseball player, better than I am, anyway, but there's no way to know for surebecause if the ball gets anywhere near her, a male comes barging over from, say,right field, to deal with it. She's been on the team for three seasons now, butthe males still don't trust her. They know, deep in their souls, that if shehad to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, sheprobably would elect to save the infant's life, without ever considering whetherthere were men on base. - Dave Barry, "Sports Is A Drag" Confucius say that baseball very funny game; man can walk on 4 balls. From Late Show with David Letterman; Friday, August 12, 1994Top Ten Baseball Player Demands[In case anyone has od'ed on O.J. Simpson coverage or for those who might forsome reason not know, the major league baseball player strike began today.]10. No team flights on Continental Airlines. 9. Goodbye boring baseball hats, hello festive sombreros. 8. Make it legal to cork their pants. 7. Baseballs with delicious chocolate centers. 6. No more reports from that old guy up at Woodstock. [In reference to the live reports tonight from Calvert] 5. Two words: Streisand tickets. 4. Every team has to have at least one player named "Mookie". 3. Plenty of dugout Slimfast. 2. Put an on-deck circle in Madonna's bed. 1. More games against the Mets. Heard on Jay Leno:And here in L.A., there's talk of a teachers' strike. You know, if they everstrike, here's what they should do: The striking teachers and the strikingbaseball players should switch jobs. You see, this way, the teachers would getpaid what they deserve, and the players would get paid what they deserve. From Late Show with David Letterman; Monday, February 20, 1995Top Ten Signs You're Not Watching A Real Baseball Team10. You recognize batter as the kid who sold you a hot dog a couple minutes earlier. 9. Everytime a player slides into second, he busts his hip. 8. They keep shouting "Do over!" 7. When umpire yells, "Strike 3!" batter looks at him as if the dude's speaking French. 6. Try as they might, they just can't scratch themselves like professionals. 5. First base: Siskel. Second base: Ebert. 4. Game stops when some lady in a house near the stadium shouts "Dinner time!" 3. Players constantly adjusting each other's cups. 2. You overheard the coach yelling, "Run, Forrest, run!" 1. They play like the Mets
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