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Humor by Yuckitup! Click Here for more jokes, and funny stuff Funny QuotesEat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day. Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity. A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the situation. Plagiarism saves time. If at first you don't succeed, try management. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself. The beatings will continue until morale improves. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups. We waste time, so you don't have to. Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away! Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker. INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY. Succeed in spite of management. Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment. We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all day. Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore. If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. -- Dave Barry I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown G: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?" EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area." May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. -- George Carlin The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": 1. fighting; 2. fleeing; 3. feeding; and 4. mating. -- Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. -- Johnny Carson A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit. -- In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine, the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance All generalizations are bad.-- R. H. Grenier Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet. -- Flucard's Corollary When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last. -- Griffin's Thought I have had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. -- Groucho Marx Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. -- Irene Peter Emo Phillips
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