Blonde FAQS

Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERING?
A: The noise gave her a headache.

Q: How do you drown a blond?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W’s.

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde’s eyes?
A: The back of her head.

Q: How do blonde braincells die ?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you change a blonde’s mind?
A: Blow in her ear.

Q: How do you measure a blonde’s intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A BLONDE BUSY ALL DAY?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: HOW DID THE BLONDE DIE ICE FISHING?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine.

Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she’s pregnant.

Q: What will she ask you?
A: “Is it mine?”

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A BLONDE THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
A: Run like Hell….she’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE GOLFER WITH AN IQ OF 125?
A: a foursome.

Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.

Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said ‘concentrate’.

Q: WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

Q: WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A SHOPPING CART?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.

Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!

Q: How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: What is every blonde’s ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: WHAT CAN SAVE A DYING BLONDE?
A: Hair transplants.

Q: WHAT ARE THE WORST SIX YEARS IN A BLONDE’S LIFE?
A: Third Grade.

Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.

Q: WHAT DID THE BLONDE THINK OF THE NEW COMPUTER?
A: She didn’t like it because she couldn’t get MTV.

Q: What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: What’s the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don’t. They’re born that way.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They’re too hard to peel.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Why don’t blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can’t fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I’ll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: What does “Bones” McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: “Space. The final frontier……”

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
A: Just One… Boomer Esiason.

Q: What’s brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who’s told one too many blonde jokes.

Q: How does the blonde car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!

Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

Q: Why can’t blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE DOCTOR?
A: She shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.

Q: DID YOU HEAR BOUT THE BLONDE WHO COULN’T WAIT TO SEE “20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA”?
A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE WHO STOOD IN FRONT OF A MIRROR WITH HER EYES CLOSED?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL FOR BLONDES?
A: They take off their makeup.

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.

Q: Why couldn’t the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn’t know what ONE came first…

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q1: How can you tell if a blonde’s been using the computer?
A: There’s white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde’s been using the computer?
A: There’s writing on the white-out.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby’s diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it “good for up to 20 pounds.”

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they’re on the train they can tell if they’re going to work or coming home.

Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.

Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don’t know any better.
*A: They are easier to keep amused.

Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.

Q: Why do blondes drive VW’s
A: Because they can’t spell PORSCHE!!

Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.

Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that’s where you’re supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Q: Why don’t blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn’t go to 700 degrees.

Q: Why don’t blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can’t get the bottle into the typewriter.

Q: Why don’t blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A1: They can’t remember the number.
A2: She can’t find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the “11” in “9-1-1”.

Q: Why don’t blondes eat bananas?
A: They can’t find the zipper.

Q: Why don’t blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can’t get their head in the jar.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: “What’s a lightbulb?”
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, “Daaady!”

Q: What’s a blonde’s favourite wine?
A: “Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!”

Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747

Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: A brunette with bad breath.

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them, two don’t exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.

Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it’s mine?

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It’s on. It’s off. It’s on. It’s off. It’s on. It’s off.

Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
A: “Thanks for the refill!”

Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.

Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.

Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee’

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde’s head?
A: A Space Invader.

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A1: A golden retriever.
A2: An indicator of a really bad hangover.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did they stop doing the “WAVE” at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said “DON’T WALK”.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw “911” on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
A: Because she loved children.

Q: Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ??
A: She thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period.

Q: Why didn’t the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She’d just blow dried her hair and she didn’t want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Q: Why does it work?
A: “Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?”

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A: A vacant possession.

Q: Why did she finally pass her test?
A: She took the examiner with her

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!”

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What’s a blonds’ favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: So men can understand them.

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