Dog Jokes

More Dog Jokes

What dogs are best for sending telegrams ?
Wire haired terriers !!

What do you call a happy Lassie ?
A jolly collie

What dogs are best for sending telegrams ?
Wire haired terriers !

What kind of dog does a vampire prefer ?
Any kind of bloodhound !

What dog loves to take bubble baths ?
A shampoodle !

How do you catch a runaway dog ?
Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!

When Good Dogs Go and Crossbreed

Pointer + Setter =
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier =
Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund =
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso =
Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel =
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever =
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound =
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog =
Terribull, a dog prone to awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador =
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

Malamute + Pointer =
Moot Point, owned by….oh, well, it doesn’t matter anyway

Collie + Malamute =
Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier =
Derriere, a dog that’s true to the end

Cocker Spaniel + Rottweiller =
Cockrot, the perfect puppy for that philandering ex-husband

Bull Terrier + Shitzu =
Bullshitz, a gregarious but unreliable breed

Help Wanted

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able totype, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We arean Equal Opportunity Employer.”
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged histail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least.However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office.Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to beable to type.” The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page andtrotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back onthe chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, “Thesign says you have to be good with a computer.”

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced asample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at thedog and said, “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and havesome interesting abilities. However, I *still* can’t give you the job.”

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw onthe sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.The manager said, “Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual.”

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, “Meow.”

A visit to the vet

A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table.

The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body.

The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog’s body and finally looks at the vet and meows.

The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too.” The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too.”

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.”

“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaimed the man….

“Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests.”

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