Fishing Jokes

More Fishing Jokes

  • Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggestfish. Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishingaround you. Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won’t make him truthful.
  • “Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing everyweekend?” asked Jane’s best friend. “Why shouldn’t I?” Jane inquired. “Well, maybe he is having an affair?” “No way, he returns every time without any fish…”
  • Did you hear about the girl who went fishing with her six male friends?She came home with a red snapper.
  • Steven Wright on fishing:Last year, I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. Hecaught every other fish.There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like anidiot.
  • Once heard from a rather liberal female acquaintance:Penises are like fish: the little ones, you throw back; the big ones, you mount!
  • Three Men And A Baby”What you get when four men go fishing and one comes back not catching anything.
  • In January 1994, at the Lake Como Fish and Game Club near Syracuse, N.Y., BrianCarr beat out three dozen competitors in the annual ice-fishing derby, with 155catches. The temperature that day was minus 30, and the prize money for thetop three anglers was $8, $6.50, and $5.
  • A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two localspulling another man ashore on the end of a rope. “That’s what I like to see,”said the priest, “A man helping his fellow man.” As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, “Well, he suredoesn’t know the first thing about shark fishing.”
  • To catch the fish, it’s not how you throw the bait, but how you wiggle yourworm.
  • Two morons go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore.1st moron: I hope you remember the spot where we caught all those fish.2nd moron: Yes, I made an ‘X’ on the side of the boat to mark the spot.1st moron: You idiot! How do you know we’ll get the same boat?
  • My wife says if I go fishing one more time she’s going to leave me. Gosh, I’m going to miss her.
  • I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it’s theonly time he hears someone tell him, “Wow, that’s a big one!”
  • “I didn’t see you in church last Sunday, Nigel. I hear you were out playingfootball instead.””That’s not true, vicar. And I’ve got the fish to prove it!”

Fishing Technique

Billy Bob and Jethro decide to go ice fishing. After arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two holes in the lake and drop in their lines in the water. After fishing for a few hours, Billy Bob has caught dozens of fish while Jethro hasn’t even gotten a bite. Jethro asks, “Billy Bob, what’s your secret?” Billy Bob answers, “Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm.” Jethro asks, “What did you say?” Billy Bob answers, “Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm.” Jethro again asks, “What?” Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, “You gotta keep the worms warm!”

How to help a friend without a fishing license.

A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden! Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell and hot on his heels came the game warden. After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him. “Let’s see yer fishin license, boy!” the warden gasped. With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license. “Well, son,” said the Game Warden. “You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don’t have to run from me if you have a valid license!” “Yes sir,” replied the young feller. “But my friend back there, well, he don’t have one…”

Fish Language Research

This was published in The South Texas Fisherman, sometime 1972.Talking To Fish by Bill Kennedy A character in one of Shakespeare’s plays, boasting of his accomplishments said, “I can call up monsters from the vast deep.” Any fisherman could have given the answer, “So can I and so can any man, but will they come?” Men and women have been calling to fish, pleading with them, and swearing at them without response since the beginning of time. A federally supported research project may change that situation. Working with the whale family (porpoise or dolphin), scientists in Florida have set out to translate fish language. They are not far along yet but have made some headway. Various clicks and whistles have been recorded that indicate,at least in the whale family, one fish has a way to communicating what is on his mind to another fish. If the research continues as planned, it should be only a matter of time until man will be able to reproduce fish noises and communicate what is on his mind to bass, perch, and catfish. All right-minded fishermen agree that fish-talk research projects should be cancelled and the scientists in it forced to seek other employment. The reasoning behind this point of view is simple and sound. If the research continues to its logical conclusion, fishing will cease to be the pleasant and relaxing sport that it now is. Fishing will become a business of bellowing speeches in fish language designed to convince fish that they would be better off on the bank or in the boat than they are in the water. In such circumstances, any fool knows who the men that will catch all the fish will be.They will be politicians!

Dog got eaten.

The following appeared recently in the Globe & Mail. Forget about Dog Bites Man. Relegate Man Bites Dog to the back pages. Today,we are dealing with Fish swallows dog, an item which reaches us by way of Moscow. The dog was swimming across the Pechora River to join its master when itvanished, leaving only a ripple. The dog’s master, who was fishing at the time,hauled in his net and found it contained a giant pike. He looked closely at its mouth and said to himself (probably) “There by hangs a tail.” Yes, it was Fido (or the Russian equivalent). The dog struggled out after the fish was cut open, and, according to Radio Moscow, hurled itself at the pike, “barking excitedly.” It is often difficult for fishermen to tell stories about the one that got away. In this case, Radio Moscow not withstanding, will it be any easier totell about the one that didn’t?

Don’t laugh on dad.

Henry’s son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was. “Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then,while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away.” “Now come on, David,” his mother said, “a big boy like you shouldn’t be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off.” “But that’s just what I did, mommy.”

Husband caught already.

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, “Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?” “Why do you want me to throw them at you?” “Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them.” “Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy.” “But why?” “Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight.”

Husband goes fishing.

One man’s hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, and he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. “What a terrible weather today, honey.” he said to her. “Yes. And my idiot went fishing!”

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