Golf Jokes

Golf Miracles!

Jesus, Moses and an old man were out golfing Jesus steps up to the tee and lets a power drive loose. The ball flies right over to the middle of a lake. Jesus walks up over the water and shoots his ball out of the water right onto the green. Moses tees his ball upand he too unleashes one right into the lake. Moses walks up to the lake, parts the water and chips his ball onto the green. The old man steps up and he also blasts one out to the lake. Just as the ball is about to hit the water a fish jumps up and swallows the ball, just as an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish. As the eagle flies over the green the ball flies out of the fishes mouth, lands on the green and into the cup.

Ahh…Sweet Golf… – submitted by BethDay

  • There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly –or start cheating.
  • An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice– once before swinging, andonce again, after swinging.
  • Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize orlaugh.
  • Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you,and the fastest are those behind.
  • Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
  • There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, andreturn with three enemies.
  • Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words were taken.
  • One day at the local golf course the Club Hacker challenged the Course Pro to a matchfor $100 dollars. The Hacker told the Pro that since he was much better than him, he mustspot the Hacker two Gotchas. The Pro had never heard of this but paid it no attention and agreed.
  • At the end of the match a few members had gathered to watch the Pro pay the Hacker $100dollars on Hole 18. As the Pro approached a member asked what happened. The Pro said wellI had to spot him two Gotchas. What the hell is that? the member asked.
  • Well I had honors on the first tee and as I approached the ball and spread my feet toassume my stance he reached up and grabbed my balls as hard as he could and yelled”Gotcha.” Have you ever tried to play 18 holes waiting on the second Gotcha.

When to quit golf?

Most golfers develop a lust for the game, some become very successful,some just never make it all work out. The following are some signs of when it is time toquit, particularly when your flight mates keep asking if you like bowling all the time.Unfortunately, as I type this, I notice some bad signs for myself.

  1. Your first putt is further from the cup than your chip
  2. You have had three putts and your flight mates tell you that your still away.
  3. You can remember for a week the one good shot you had in the round.
  4. The ball retriever is the most often used piece of equiptment in your bag.
  5. You and your group have rules for Mulligans.
  6. You have more than the regulation 14 clubs in your bag including 3 putters.
  7. You leave the pin in when you are on the fringe 8 feet fron the pin in the hope it will stop your ball.
  8. You have the thought you that if you hole out from 140 yards you can still make bogie.
  9. That starter leave a one hour gap after your tee off time.
  10. Your first putt ends up longer than your short approach chip.
  11. When you call fore on a par three everyone runs to the green for safety.
  12. The club has named a pond in front of the green after you.

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  • This is an inside joke for Celeste
  • Too funny
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  • Yeah, when she's not cooking
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