More Football Jokes

  • Why does John Elway eat his cereal from a plate? Because he’s lost all three of his bowls.
  • Why can’t John Elway use the phone anymore? Because he can’t find the receiver.
  • The real score of the game was not 55-10, but 55-31. The Broncos hung around after the game and managed to put a few more points on the board.
  • What is the difference between Cheerios and the Broncos. Cheerios belongs in a bowl.
  • John Elway couldn’t get into his house Sunday night. It seems someone had painted a goal line in front of his door!
  • I read in the paper this morning that two of the Denver Broncos playbooks were stolen. John Elway is very upset. He hadn’t finished coloring them.
  • Definition of an optimist: A Denver Bronco fan waiting at DIA (Denver International Airport) for the Broncos to return from winning the Super Bowl.
  • Cerebral hemorrhages are rarer among amateur and professional football players. So are brains.
  • What do you get when you cross a defensive lineman with a prostitute? A quarter-ton pickup.
  • What did the football player always get on his final exams in college? Drool.
  • What do collegiate football players usually get on their final exams? Drool.
  • What do Billy Graham and the O.U. Sooner football team have in common? They can both make a stadium of 60,000 people say “Oh, Jesus.”
  • My brother went to the University of Chicago which has a terrible football team. They were in a league against intellectually third-rate colleges, and the U of C cheer was: That’s all right, That’s okay, You’re going to work for us someday!
  • Baseball is to football as Beethoven is to rap. – Patrick Mott
  • Do you know why the new football stadium they built in Warsaw could not be used? No matter where you sat, you were behind a Pole.
  • Heard in an interview with George Will on WSB Radio, Atlanta: Caller: What do you think about football? Will: Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings.
  • What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn’t keep asking for beer.
  • What has eight arms and an I.Q. of 60? Four guys watching a football game.
  • In New York City, Mayor David Dinkins’s City Hall ceremony to honor the Super Bowl champion Giants had to be canceled after it was discovered that no one had invited the team. – The American Spectator, April 1991
  • Because it is not natural for a human being to hurl his body directly at another human being. – Chuck Noll, ex-Pittsburgh Steelers football coach, when asked why it is difficult to play pro football
  • What’s the difference between the Buffalo Bills and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.
  • What’s the difference between the Buffalo Bills and Cheerios? Cheerios belongs in a bowl.
  • How many Bills players does it take to receive a kickoff? Two. One to catch the ball and one to tell him to go down.
  • How many Bills does it take to fumble the ball? Any of ’em.
  • Announcement from P.A. system at Texas Stadium: Will the parents who lost your eleven kids here at the stadium please come get them? They are leading the Cowboys 14-0.
  • Heard on WZZO (Lehigh Valley, PA): Did you hear that someone purchased the Buffalo Bills and is going to move them to Alaska? They are going to rename them the Arctic Chokes.
  • From the L.A. Times: The L.A. Rams have a new line of cologne. It’s a little different though; you wear it and the other guy scores.
  • Today was mostly decision day. We made an agreement to agree over what we had agreed upon before. (???) – Tom Flores, former Seahawks general manager
  • After spending all day watching football, Harry fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the whole night in the chair. In the morning, his wife woke him up. “Get up dear,” she said, “it’s 20 to seven.” He awoke with a start and said, “In who’s favor?”

Leave a Reply

Latest Pins on Pinterest

  • Follow Me on Pinterest

Short Jokes via Twitter