Scuba Diving Jokes

  • How many people does it take to circumcise a whale?Four skin divers.
  • Two divers surface after a long, deep dive. As their heads pop out of thewater, a squad of jets (called Buccaneers in South Africa) flies low above theirheads. The one diver puts his hands over his ears and shouts, “It’s thoseBuccaneers!!!” To which the other replies, “Yeah, mine are hurting too!”
  • Three instructors and their students are on board a dive boat in the middleof the ocean. There is a NAUI instructor, a PADI instructor, and an SSIinstructor. Everything is going fine until the boat springs a leak and startsto sink. The SSI instructor says to his students, “Okay, we’re in the middle of theocean, so we might as well do our deep dive.” The NAUI instructor says to his students, “Okay, we might as well do ournavigation dive, so let’s get our compasses out and swim towards shore.” The PADI instructor says to his students, “Okay, for $25 extra you guys getto do a wreck dive!”
  • When I got certified, the instructor always stressed that you never go divingalone. If you run out of air, your buddy can help you. If you have equipmentproblems, your buddy can help you. If you meet a shark, your odds are 50-50instead of 100%”
  • Do you know what SCUBA really stands for?Some Come Up Barely Alive

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