Q & A

Elephant Jokes

What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?
An elephant can have fleas but a flea can’t have elephants!

Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
So he could hide in the cherry tree!

How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
When your nose touches the ceiling!

What do you call an elephant that flies ?
A jumbo jet!

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo ?
Big holes all over Australia!

How does an elephant get down from a tree?
He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!

Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?
Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box!

Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool ?
Because they couldn’t hold their trunks up!

What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence ?
Time to fix the fence!

Why does an elephant wear sneakers ?
So that he can sneak up on mice!

Bear Jokes

Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in anoraks!

What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar!

What should you call a bald teddy?
Fred bear!

What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
A little bear!

Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ?
It lives on ice!

Have you ever hunted bear?
No, but I’ve been shooting in my shorts!

How do you hire a teddy bear?
Put him on stilts!

What’s a teddy bears favourite pasta?
Tagliateddy!

Why shouldn’t you take a bear to the zoo?
Because they’d rather go to the cinema!

What is a bear’s favourite drink?
Koka-Koala !

Goat Jokes

What do you call a goat at sea?
Billy Ocean.

What do you call a spastic goat?
Billy the kid.

What do you call a goat that lip syncs? Billy-Vanilli

Sheep Jokes

Q. What do you call a sheep without any legs?
A. A Cloud

Why did the lamb call the police?
he had been fleeced

What did one sheep say to the other sheep?
“after ewe”

Rabbit Jokes

A hare brain.

What weighs 35 tons, has four fuzzy ears and is 80 million years old?
Two rabbits riding a brontosaurus.

What has two fuzzy pink ears and writes?
A ballpoint bunny.

What’s the best way to catch a wild rabbit?
Stand in the woods and make a sound like a carrot.

What’s the best way to catch a unique rabbit?
You ‘nique up on him.

What’s the best way to catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way.

How many hairs in a rabbit’s tail?
None, they’re all on the outside.

How are rabbits like calculators?
They both multiply really fast.

Why can’t a rabbit’s nose be twelve inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.

What do you call a rabbit who swims with sharks?
Dinner; rabbit stew; a dumb bunny; a hare brain.

How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
Just look for the gray hares.

What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hareline.

How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with aboyscout?
A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.

How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew?
When it has hares in it.

Where was the rabbit when the lights went out?
In the dark.

What is a rabbit’s favorite movie musical?
Hare.

What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes?
A funny bunny.

Why did the Rabbit cross the road?
The chicken retired and moved to Florida.

What kind of rabbits live at the North Pole?
Lost rabbits.

What do rabbits have that nothing else has?
Baby rabbits.

How many rabbits can you fit in an empty phone booth?
One, after that it isn’t empty.

What do rabbits get when it rains?
Wet.

What is a rabbit’s favourite dance?
The Bunny Hop.

What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear?
14 carrot gold.

What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Bugs Bunny.

Why can a rabbit hop higher than the CN Tower?
The CN Tower can’t hop.

How can you tell a rabbit from a gorilla?
A rabbit doesn’t look like a gorilla.

What kinds of rabbits eat with their ears?
All rabbits eat with their ears, they can’t take them off.

What kind of book does a rabbit like at bedtime?
One with a hoppy ending.

Waitress, what’s this hare doing in my soup?
Looks like the back stroke.

Fish Jokes

Where do shellfish go to borrow money ?
To the prawn broker !

What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather !

How could the dolphin afford to buy a house ?
He prawned everything !

Which fish can perform operations ?
A Sturgeon !

What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys ?
He got lockjaw !

Where do fish wash ?
In a river basin !

Why did the whale cross the road ?
To get to the other tide !

Where do little fishes go every morning ?
To plaice school !

What fish goes up the river at 100mph ?
A motor pike !

What do you get from a bad-tempered shark ?
As far away as possible !

Cat Jokes

What looks like half a cat ?
The other half !!

What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool ?
She had mittens !

What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot ?
A carrot !!

How do cats eat spaghetti ?
The same as everyone else – they put it in their mouths!!

What is a French cat’s favourite pudding ?
Chocolate mousse !

What do cat actors say on stage ?
Tabby or not tabby !

What did the cat say when he lost all his money ?
I’m paw !

How do you know if you cat’s got a bad cold ?
He has cat-arrh !

How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling ?
She’s got that down in the mouth look !

What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla ?
An animal that puts you out a night !

More Dog Jokes

What dogs are best for sending telegrams ?
Wire haired terriers !!

What do you call a happy Lassie ?
A jolly collie

What dogs are best for sending telegrams ?
Wire haired terriers !

What kind of dog does a vampire prefer ?
Any kind of bloodhound !

What dog loves to take bubble baths ?
A shampoodle !

How do you catch a runaway dog ?
Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a bone!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road half way?
A. He wanted to lay it on the line.

Q. Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A. Because it was stuck to the chicken.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A. It wanted to get to the other slide.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the “net”?
A. It wanted to get to the other site.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To prove to the possum that it could be done. Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. She wanted to see a man lay a brick.

Scuba Diving Jokes

  • How many people does it take to circumcise a whale?Four skin divers.
  • Two divers surface after a long, deep dive. As their heads pop out of thewater, a squad of jets (called Buccaneers in South Africa) flies low above theirheads. The one diver puts his hands over his ears and shouts, “It’s thoseBuccaneers!!!” To which the other replies, “Yeah, mine are hurting too!”
  • Three instructors and their students are on board a dive boat in the middleof the ocean. There is a NAUI instructor, a PADI instructor, and an SSIinstructor. Everything is going fine until the boat springs a leak and startsto sink. The SSI instructor says to his students, “Okay, we’re in the middle of theocean, so we might as well do our deep dive.” The NAUI instructor says to his students, “Okay, we might as well do ournavigation dive, so let’s get our compasses out and swim towards shore.” The PADI instructor says to his students, “Okay, for $25 extra you guys getto do a wreck dive!”
  • When I got certified, the instructor always stressed that you never go divingalone. If you run out of air, your buddy can help you. If you have equipmentproblems, your buddy can help you. If you meet a shark, your odds are 50-50instead of 100%”
  • Do you know what SCUBA really stands for?Some Come Up Barely Alive

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